Keepers: Dez Bryant (3rd),
Zac Stacey (11th), Andre Ellington (17th)
Keeper Grade: B
He
was able to steal one of the best receivers in the game in Dez Bryant at the
end of the expansion draft then decided to settle with two young running backs,
at great value picks, with high upside. However when you look closely, as only
I do, one has to wonder if he would have been better off securing another stud
receiver like an AJ Green, or a better pass-catching back like a Giovanni
Bernard. Perhaps it is not wise for me to poke the bear that is the World
Killers, as Bob has an illustrious career as a fantasy player, and is a
favorite to win the league in the fist year. You guys better pay up or hey may
break my legs.
Team Barnes
Team Owner: Pat Barnes
Team Owner: Pat Barnes
Keepers: Reggie Bush
(3rd), Percy Harvin (11th), Julius Thomas (14th)
Keeper Grade: C-
Keeper Grade: C-
His
expansion draft was as disappointing as his team name. Pat, a die-hard Notre
Dame fan, seems to have a fantasy career that parallels the Irish. You want Pat
to be good, the potential is there, but just doesn’t seem to get the results. He
seemed as if he was Lou Houltz selecting Julius Thomas but one has to wonder if it was he or
Ty Willingham selecting Reggie Bush, or Charlie Weis selecting Percy Harvin.
Hopefully he is able to rebound before the draft this Tuesday, August 26th,
but the ghost of Knute Rockne couldn’t save his keeper. New idea for a team
name Pat: “Bob Davie’s Bunch”
Thy Willis Be Done
Team Owners: Mike
White Jr. & Jeremy White
Keepers: Adrian
Peterson (1st), AJ Green (3rd), Antonio Brown (6th)
Keeper Grade: A
Mike
& Jeremy White hit this one out of the park with their expansion draft.
These “track stars” ran circles around the competition in the expansion draft.
The tie-wearing Washingtonville brothers got elite receivers to fill the roster
as both AJ Green and Antonio Brown would be legit number 1 receivers on almost
anyone’s team (not to mention they got the best running back in Adrian
Peterson). Hopefully they do not cramp up on the actual draft, and may prove
the theory true that two heads are better than one.
Team Cerar
Team Owner: Mike Cerar
Keepers: Drew Brees (1st),
Frank Gore (4th), DeSean Jackson (6th)
Keeper Grade: B-
Even
in his inebriated state, Team Cerar was able to put together a decent, and
timely expansion draft. In one of the most impressively efficient drafts,
considering the distractions, and liquor, Team Cerar was able to land fantasy
stud quarterback Drew Brees and big play monster DeSean Jackson. While the
selection of Frank Gore brought about public criticism and borderline emotional
abuse, it wasn’t the worst selection for a keeper (cough Reggie Bush, cough
cough Rashard Jennings). If he picks this well when he is drunk, we may be in
trouble on Tuesday if he is sober (odds say he will be). But one has to wonder
if his team name is to remind him, what his name is?
3-putt bogey
Team Owner: Ian Hobbs
Keepers: Aaron Rodgers
(1st), Giovanni Bernard (5th), Monte Ball (6th)
Keeper Grade: B+
Hobbs
did not bogey on this expansion draft. An oldie, but a goodie, Hobbs returns to
the league and extraordinary fashion by landing Aaron Rodgers, and two solid
running backs with top 10 fantasy expectations this year. He is set up
incredibly well for the draft on Tuesday. If his Rory-like performance can continue, title expectations are real for
Hobbs. His bags are packed, he has his
airline ticket, bring him to the airport…send him home.
The Fighting
Frenchies
Team Owner: Chris
Kaval
Keepers: Julio Jones
(3rd), Vernon Davis (6th), Le’Veon Bell (11th)
Keeper Grade: B-
From
one golfer to another, except last season proved an epic disaster that not even
Phil Mickelson has been able to show us. Sorry Chris, not even last year would
Renee Russo remember your 12 of a season. But injuries destroyed the Fighting
Frenchies a year ago, and Chris looks to rebound in a big way. Julio Jones
should bounce back nicely, Vernon Davis is still one of the most dependable
tight ends in the league, and Bell proved to have monster potential and losing
only an 11th round pick is great value. Hopefully Chris will be able
to make the cut this year.
The Dainty Giants
Owner: Tim Galvin
Keepers: Brandon
Marshall (2nd), Peyton Manning (3rd), Torrey Smith (5th)
Keeper Grade: B-
Mr.
Trivia goes into the 2014 season lock and loaded and looking for better results
than a year ago. Tim’s keepers reflect the type of season he had last season. Marshall
and Manning proved that Tim is primed to contend in the league, but Torrey
Smith proved to be, like many players on his team, not able to live up to
expectations. Tim rolls the dice once again with Smith but expect more of his
picks to be more like the Manning’s and Marshall’s of the world. Tim is a
dark-horse contender in the World Division. Just as long as he doesn’t mess it
up…
Owner: Kyle Henderson
Keepers: DeMariuys
Thomas (3rd), Victory Cruz (4th), Rashard Jennings (17th)
Keeper Grade: C
On
paper, Kyle’s keepers appear to look ok…that is if his keepers were written on
toilet paper. Thomas is a monster, but Victor Cruz at the expense of a 4th
round pick is overvalued, and Jennings has done nothing in Giants camp to prove
his worthy of a keeper selection even if he is the last pick in the draft.
Hopefully Kyle can pull some rabbits out of the hat (or corn out of the stool
depending on how you look at it) on draft day, Tuesday, August 26th,
or the poop will keep rollin in.
Team Williams
Owner: Luke Williams
Keepers: Jimmy Graham
(2nd), Michael Floyd (10th), Alshon Jeffery (13th)
Keeper Grade: B+
Team
Williams is on the fantasy warpath and his stud receivers will lead the way and
hopefully land Luke in the playoffs.
Jimmy Graham is the best the NFL can offer at the position, and Michael
Floyd and Alshon Jeffery are two young explosive receivers who are promised to
put up big numbers again in 2014. However Luke has to put together a complete
draft, which was something he was unable to do a year ago. Luke has been a
stable in the league for years, but he is still searching for his first title
and the “Reign of Luke” appears to remain years away.
F FF
Team Owner: Matt
Goebel
Keepers: Calvin
Johnson (1st), Eddie Lacy (3rd), Jordan Reed (17th)
Keeper Grade: B
Matt
was 7 fantasy points away from making the playoffs and attempting to recapture
his fantasy crown (If anyone is looking for a Marshawn Lynch voodoo doll, Matt
has it). Matt was robbed of his playoff berth like Endy Chavez robbed Scott
Rolen of a homerun in the 2006 NCLS, but he looks to bounce back like his
beloved New York Mets do…I mean the Brooklyn Nets…I mean the New York Jets…I
mean change your team or something the alliteration isn’t working out for you. Matt
has solid keepers across the board, and Jordan Reed has great value when you
factor in the potential and potency of the Redskins offense. Matt has the
reputation and aspiration to return to the top, but my narration will feel more
like a castration as Matt’s season may feel something like this…
The Carlos Dangers
Team Owner: Mike
Limperopulos
Keepers: Marshawn
Lynch (2nd), Andrew Luck (8th), Cordelle Patterson (17th)
Keeper Grade: C+
My
future brother-in-law to be has some promising keepers but it may prove to be
too much potential and not enough production. Mike was close to make the
championship a year ago, but then he met Nick Foles, Jamaal Charles and the rest
of the title winning Sonic Dogs and became another pot hole on the road to my
dominance. Patterson could prove to be a fantasy stud in Norv Turner’s offense,
and Andrew Luck is primed to make a step forward in the top echelon of fantasy
quarterbacks, and Lynch is still beast mode until proven otherwise. But this is
not a team as of now that we can honestly say will win the title. 3rd
or 4th place in the league? Sure. Mike is much like an Arsenal, or a
Liverpool for that matter, he will finish top 4, but the title will continue to
stay out of reach.
Bethel Wildcats
Team Owner: Scott
Clough
Keepers: Matt Forte (2nd),
Cam Newton (4th), Keenan Allen (17th)
Keeper Grade: B
He
thinks this grade should be higher, but what else is new? The Bully of Bethel,
the Harrier of Honey Hollow comes into 2014 season with solid keepers and
another legitimate shot at the title. Forte seems to never skip a beat, Cam is
a model of consistency, and Keenan Allen’s value cannot be understated at the
17th spot. He is primed to try and make the title game this year and
capture his second title in three years. That is if he can get by his little
brother.
The Mighty Balvons
Team Owner: Mike
Mastroianni
Keepers: LeSean McCoy (2nd), DeMarco Murray (4th), Philip Rivers (17th)
Keeper Grade: B-
Keepers: LeSean McCoy (2nd), DeMarco Murray (4th), Philip Rivers (17th)
Keeper Grade: B-
Another
year, and another title appearance for the Mighty Balvons. It seems every year
you can count on the following: Death, Taxes, and Mike will manage a team you
think has no business being in the playoffs, to the championship. He has proven
to give more league members violent, outbursts of anger than the infamous Soup
Nazi. But the ‘Summer of Mike’ may prove to be coming to an end, as his
division rivals appear to be stronger than he. McCoy is still the best you can
do at the position, but the selection of DeMarco Murray is puzzling to say the
least, and Rivers is valuable at 17th, but not at the cost of the
gapping holes he is faced with filling. But every year we count him out, he
does things that appear to lack any kind of intelligence. But year after year
the Mighty Balvons are in the title game. Its so annoying.
Beacon Bridge Souls
Team Owner: Kevin “The
Commish” Clough
Keepers: Jamaal
Charles (1st), Matt Stafford (5th), Jordy Nelson (6th)
Keeper Grade: B-
I
know you are expecting that I give myself a grade of ‘A’ or higher, but to
prove just how authentic my rankings are I decided to lie to you guys and
pretend my keepers are not great. Jamaal Charles was the most dominate player
from a year ago, Stafford quietly had one of the better seasons any quarterback
had a year ago (didn’t even have to play him…your welcome league), and Jordy
Nelson proved to be Aaron Rodgers most dependable target. While many are
probably commenting saying how “that’s bullshit, his team sucks, he was so
lucky last year, god how I want to be just like him” let me say to you that my
dominance last year was not made of chance, or fate, it was manufactured by the
engine between my ears. Once again, your commissioner will return to the top
with my three-headed fantasy monster spear-heading the way. I not only play the
game, nor do I just run the game, I AM THE GAME!
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